So everyone would usually assume that our adoption plans originated with me. And by the title of this post - you can probably assume that that actually isn't the case this time.
Adoption was not something I ever wanted. In fact - it was something I never want.
So how did we get here? Why are we pursuing this dream? And why didn't I want this thing called adoption?
I wanted to provide a child for my husband. Someone who looked like us; had his adorable ears, and probably my crazy hair. And when it didn't happen - I was devastated. I felt like I was a failure and couldn't do "the one thing" that I should be able to do.
But my husband, my dear husband - has been a solid rock and an immovable force, consistently pointing me back to the Lord.
Let me paraphrase some of the conversations we had:
- When my mind was saying "I am a failure..." - my husband's words were "God has gifted you with amazing qualities"
- When my mind was saying "I cannot provide..." - my husband's words were "Having a biological child does not determine your worth. God does."
- When my mind was saying "How can we love a child that we did not conceive..." - my husband's words were "God will grant us the same amount of love for any child, adopted or biological. You already love others as if they are your own. Why would you think God would not nurture the love in you that you will need."
And the biggest reminder - Adoption is a beautiful picture showing us what exactly the Lord has done for his children.
So here I was, for a year - tossing this idea around. Seeking fertility treatments, getting tested and nothing ever coming back with definite answers. Just that I had unexplained infertility and PCOS.
But God was working in me. He was removing my fear of being stereotyped. Removing the fear of not being able to love another child as my own. Removing the fear that we would never be able to afford the steep price of adoption. And removing the fear of the unknown.
March 2018 - After a year of praying, thinking, talking to friends who had adopted or been adopted - and learning the truths behind all of the myths that I thought were accurate - I turned to my husband and finally said "I am in!" The joy my husband showed me was indescribable, and I am proud to be on this journey with him.
So Adoption - something I never wanted - and so far, a journey I wouldn't trade. I cannot wait to see what the Lord does with this adventure! And to meet the baby birds that He sends us <3
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